#5: Q.U.E.E.R.E.R.
A series of eight blogs about my process of publishing every grain of sand.
When I started chiseling away at the gigantic compilation of poems and short stories I had amassed, I was slightly overwhelmed by the sheer size of the document, over-stuffed with first drafts. Both sides of my brain scrambled towards perfection. The logical left half of my brain wanted a thorough rubric for selecting my Best Works. The Marie Kondo method appealed to my creative right-side, hoping my intuition would find the poems that sparked joy. I felt ill-equipped to dive into my work without some kind of checklist. So I read books about the revision process and compiled all of my instincts and the best advice from dozens of writers into one document that kept my whole brain focused, one I cheekily dubbed “QUEERER.”
Question the poem. Ask it hard questions.
Untether yourself from your personal connection to the poem.
Experiment with the clay, try new things, chop it up, remold it.
Explore its form and sound, shape and spacing, movement and musicality.
Replace words that have potential with extraordinary words.
Essentialize the piece so that every word is necessary.
Re-read it out loud again. And again.
Finally, a system! Following my QUEERER method allowed me structure and clarity while my imagination ran amok in the wildflowers of my poetry. It guaranteed me that, if I simply followed the acronym for each piece, I would explore the depths of my writing and persuade the strangeness out into the open. I challenged myself to be as precise as possible, toss away anything that felt expected, confusing, or inaccessible, consider each adjective and adverb, unpack moments that were telling instead of showing, cut out the fat and boil it all down to its essence, and also expand on what worked. I let my obsessive perfectionist left brain systemically organize my thoughts while my right brain was free to create, develop, fertilize, and connect dots wildly.
And at the bottom, I included this inspirational quote:
“Be of service to what wants to come through” - Jane Hirschfield
Nothing feels quite as satisfying as being a channel for creativity, serving your artistic impulses and passion for storytelling. I had to step back away from my ego and perfectionist urges to allow my writings to find their brightest way. It was akin to bearing witness to a kind of natural miracle - a sunset, a rainbow, a hawk taking flight. How did I think I could consciously strong-arm a beautiful piece into existence with sheer brainforce? Throughout the editing process I did a fair amount of letting go of expectations—and took a lot of time to be present to what the poem was asking of me. Watching each piece become the best version of itself was so fulfilling.
I didn’t edit alone. Angela walked with me as I found my way through revisions and Kallie from Tell Tell Poetry sent me an invaluable line-by-line critique of the whole book that led to each piece evolving and growing. Check out the three stages of my poem “rowboat” in the attached images here. The first image is a fossil—the original text of “rowboat” before the editing process. Next is the poem mid-edit, with our back-and-forth dialogue about the piece in the comments. And finally, the finished version as it appears in every grain of sand.
