#7: Questions While Waiting
A series of eight blogs about my process of publishing every grain of sand.
Nothing snaps me into a state of blissful memory like the smell of a book. Vintage and musty or crisp and freshly printed, I am instantly transported. I have been so looking forward to holding my published book in hand, cracking open the spine, and taking in its scent. But our world is more unpredictable than ever in this COVID climate and time is completely relative. Finalizing the printing of my new book has taken much longer than I had hoped. The book that I was expecting to birth into the world in September is still not ready to go to print. My patience is being tested and I’m feeling challenged to show up with grace and understanding.
The idea of publishing a book felt so perfectly appropriate for this socially-distant time, where we are all working alone day after day in our living rooms, but it has revealed how important the core values of community and collaboration are to me. I have tried my best to connect remotely—over Zoom with editors, on FaceTime with my dear friend who created illustrations, via Pinterest designing the cover (Exhibit A), and yet, there have been many moments when I feel alone in my echo-chamber of an apartment, craving face-to-face communication. Some of my understandings about the process turned out to be confused assumptions and unwieldy expectations, which might not have been a thing if I hadn’t engaged in one trillion email threads instead of a few in-person conversations. But what would it help to lean into my frustrations? In a different year, I might have found myself more anxious and upset, but I tried to let the process unfold naturally and stay focused and positive. It has been a zen practice of letting go and being present, of releasing expectations and being true to my artist heart and vision.
Exhibit A: Pinterest board of inspiration images for my book cover design.
While waiting for the book to materialize, many complicated feelings have arisen around two important distribution choices: How much will the book cost and how will people be able to buy it?
1. Behind “How should I price the book?” lurked another question: “What is the value of my work as a first time writer?” And all around that question: “How do I address revenue right now in a world that is struggling with economic disparities and systemic race issues?”
I feel very fortunate to have the time and access to be able to see my publishing dream come to fruition. Part of me feels guilty about this. Part of me feels embarrassed to ask people to pay for something that fulfills my dream. Part of me wants to sell the book at cost and make no profit. And yet, I see poetry as something extremely powerful and valuable. Who am I to devalue the work that writers (and I, as a writer) do? I have to find a price point that makes sense, somewhere between paying for its costs and creating a small revenue stream. And yet, how much do I feel comfortable asking people to pay while some are struggling to manage their bills and some are desperately in need? And if I do indeed make any money on this venture, what is a resource that I can wholeheartedly endorse and support with my profits? After a lot of careful deliberation, I am relieved to have finally settled on prices that feel good and decided that profits beyond my expenses will go to the Queer Writers of Color Relief Fund, created to assist writers in the queer community, with special focus on trans women of color and disabled writers who have been financially impacted by COVID-19.
2. The other sticky feeling: How do I feel about having my book sold on Amazon, which has created a monopoly with its low prices and free shipping, edging out brick and mortar storefronts, hardworking independent publishers, and small-scale local businesses?
Amazon makes it easy to get content to the masses and they have helped make quarantine safer and more comfortable for some, but whoa. The wealth that Jeff Bezos has amassed this year alone in both revenue and Amazon stock value is staggering and makes me sick to my stomach. If this is news to you, I urge you to do a little research. You can read about the plight of bookstores and independent publishers in this recent NY Times article. Even though I want to use my launch to bring attention to the criticisms of Amazon’s business ethics, I can’t control how the book printer handles global distribution. What I can do is ask my friends and family to choose another way to purchase my collection.
So, I encourage people to please purchase my book directly from my printer when it becomes available (maybe next week?!) - both softcover ($20) and hardcover ($32) will be available there! There is a shipping cost, but they are a good company. The other option I recommend is buying an autographed hardback from justinscribner.com. It will take a little longer to get to you, since I have to send it to myself first, but I’d love to sign it and ship it to you. I’m going to be offering autographed versions for a small discount to cover the additional shipping - but only until for the first month!
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I finally received my author copy in the mail a few days ago. My heart pounded as I opened the package. I felt the dark blue waxy-soft cover for the first time and ran my fingers around the edges of the pages. It’s real. It looks beautiful. And it smells AMAZING.
